In his book “Love and Survival”, Dr. Dean Ornish chronicles how he discovered that, more important than diet, more important than exercise, more important than temperance, more important than any other life style habit, is the presence of genuine loving relationships in your life.

When you stop and think about it, it makes perfect sense. 90% of all stress has to do with interpersonal relationships (the other 10% usually has to do with money!). And we all know that stress kills, but “a happy heart is better than medicine”. The question is, are we looking in the right spot for happiness, or are we “looking in all the wrong places”. We all have the same basic needs – the need to belong, to be free, to have fun, and to have a meaningful purpose for living. In one way or another, these needs all require people. In other words, we need people to love us. And we need people to love. When these needs are met, then we are truly happy.

If you are feeling stressed, it is probably because one or more of your needs are not being adequately met. You can begin to remedy this situation by doing the following.

1. Take time every day to reflect. Were your needs well met today? How did today’s events and interactions leave you feeling? Are your expectations realistic? What can you do tomorrow to make things better?

2. Learn to listen well. The object of good listening is to learn and empathize with the other person’s perspective and feelings. Not to judge. Not to fix. Just to understand.

3. Find someone who will listen well to you and allow you to share your feelings.

4. Every day, with a smile, give something to someone with no expectation of any kind of reciprocation.

I believe that the purest example of unselfish love is found in the life of Jesus Christ, and have found that regularly reflecting on His life and ministry has made the above steps much easier to accomplish.